Sorrow's Salvation

I have always believed that a man, a leader, should not cry. I have been accused of being passionate about the things I believe in. I have also been told that I am deeply emotional about the things that I love. On occasion this passion or emotion has overwhelmed me to the point that I had to fight back tears. On most of these occasions I was the victor, my voice may have cracked and my lips may have trembled, but tears did not fall.
For many nights now the pain and sorrow have been too much. I sit in the dark and loose the battle as the tears roll. But for the first time in my life I recognized these tears for what they are. No longer did they feel like a weakness, for what they provided was strong; a cleansing. Although my eye sight blurred with their sting, my mind's eye was clearer than ever before.

I saw with pure clarity God's promise of eternal life. A life spent in a place with no tears. And any tears that are left over upon our arrival while be wiped from our cheeks by the very Hand of God.

I saw with pure clarity the Grace of God. The Grace that He has provided over the last month that has allowed me to face each day with renewed hope. Grace that allowed me to  be a father to my children with no bitterness towards their mother reflected in my words or seen on my face.

I saw with pure clarity my own actions and inaction that contributed to the end of my marriage. I saw that during those times God's grace was absent, not because of God but because of choices I made.

I saw with pure clarity the sins that I have committed against God. Secret sins that I had buried beneath stones called denial. I saw Christ on the cross, paying the debt for my sins, but knowing, that even though I have assurance of eternity that during these times I was separated from His grace.

I saw with pure clarity that if I am to claim salvation through His death, that I must also accept suffering as Jesus Christ did. You will not see scars on my feet or holes through my hands for only one was able to  bear that burden, but you will hear me cry "Father, why have you forsaken me?" With humility I await His answer, even though I already know what it will be. And I know that in that answer will be revealed the Glory of God.

I saw with pure clarity that my hope lies in Christ. That hope is not for today or tomorrow but for eternity. I will still hope that she comes back. I will love her until my last breath. But I know now that with or without her, we will survive.

I saw with pure clarity Sorrow's Salvation. The pain will not soon stop, nor will the sorrow soon fade, but with the tears provided by God I now see why.