Falling up.

It's been a bad week. I've been falling down a lot. I had to give a long and difficult deposition on Friday. And it appears that on Thursday my wife chose to leave me. I won't write in detail about either of these events, one because I do not think legally I should and the second because I am hoping that I am wrong.
I want to talk for a minute about writing, why I write and why I chose such a public canvas to write on. When I fall down I find it very convenient to stay there on my knees and pray. (I have prayed a lot this week) When I stand back up the anxiety that accompanied the fall is not always gone. I love my Lord, but I don't believe that I have matured enough yet to leave all my rocks and worries, burdens and anxieties at the cross with a resounding Amen. I discovered a number of years ago that writing down my thoughts helped relieve those lingering anxieties. Most often I would crinkle up and toss away the words that had calmed the anxious self. But a time came in my life when the prayers were never-ending and I wore out the tips of pencils writing down thoughts, thoughts that I hoped would provide relief. Instead of ending up in the trashcan the hastily written words became a journal and eventually a book called "Going Numb". I published the book in hopes that my words would become a relief provider to someone else.
At about that same time Facebook was gaining in popularity. At first I resisted the seductive calls of social networking, thinking that it was just another passing fad and waste of time; I was wrong. My publisher recommended that first-time writers should use Facebook as a conduit to provide the much needed Public Relations that normally is very expensive. I agreed that the PR would be good but for different reasons than that of the publishers. I have never made and never will make a lot of money from my books. I write them to help others, and when I hear about someone being helped out of an addiction or  a damaged marriage experiencing rebound, in part because they read my words, I feel completely compensated.
Next came this blog. I enjoyed occasionally using this electronic canvas to write about other subjects that I have interest or passion for. I did so without plan and infrequently. So now I hear that without regular entries the blog is unlikely read by anyone other than the author. Okay, so now I am back to writing words just for myself. That was a long circle to navigate to end up back where I started.
But I have a plan.
I have been working on a third book for quite some time now. I have slowed deliberately the progress of this book. You see my co-author is God. I am waiting for some answers from Him. The preliminary tittle of this book was, "Faith to Faith...conversations with God.", but I think I am changing the tittle and the canvas. I have decided to use this blog as the pages instead of going through the pains in dealing with publishers and editing. And I have decided to change the name of this "book" to "Falling up."
I promise to make entries each and every day. (my fingers may be crossed).
I promise to try never to bore you.
I promise to one day explain the tittle-"Falling up".
I look forward to writing and hope you enjoy reading. If not you can always "delete" or "Un-friend"; and you would not have had to spend as much as a dime at the bookstore.
But right now I need to pause and pray. I have fallen down and know the only way up.