A Politically Correct 2016

I must refrain from wishing you a Happy New Year. Although we are friends, I don’t really know most of you well enough to be confident that I am not offending you by wishing you a Happy New Year. In this new world of political correctness it is difficult to determine what may offend somebody in the potpourri of personalities that walk among us.

Why just today at least a half of dozen people have wished me a Happy New Year. These were people that I don’t even know…and they certainly do not know me. How do they know their heartfelt (maybe) wishes would not offend me?

How do they know that I, or anyone else for that matter, want to be Happy? Perhaps I would rather be sad, somber and low spirited. Maybe I wish for a melancholic future as the calendar changes; while the Red Hot Chili Peppers sing “Under the Bridge” to me over and over again.

New? They may not know the recipient of their well wishes is neophobic. The thought of anything new  will send shivers up the spine of the neophobe and causes beads of sweat to form on the forehead. And the thought of something as colossal as a year being new may very well send the neophobe into a spin that here-to-fore could only have been caused by global warming.

And maybe, just maybe the person you just sent your well wishes to is a monther. What is a monther you ask? Well in our new politically correct world where everyone is free to create their own moniker, syndrome or disorder—a monther is someone who does not recognize years. That is right (or politically correct anyway). Without regard to thousands of years of history, without care for what millions…no billions of others know to be true, and without a glance at one of the millions of calendars that will be printed with 2016 emblazoned across the front, the monther denies that the year ever existed. Why if I was a monther then I would be enlightened enough to recognize that in my life tomorrow just marks the beginning of January No. 58!

So we must be careful, my friends, when sending wishes to friends, family and even strangers on this eve of celebration. Without our caution, the Supreme Court may declare the perennial epigram—Happy New Year—as offensive and degrading to the few monthers that bide among the compos mentis.