Just Stop

Mary,
You said “you can’t” and “”you don’t want to quit smoking”, but desire to lead a life that is pleasing to God. I had smoked for more than 35 years, when in 2008 a doctor told me that I have COPD due to emphysema, all because of smoking. I stopped smoking that day, scared by the doctor’s warning. A few weeks passed before the desire to smoke returned. I didn’t think I wanted to smoke again, so I prayed and read God’s word daily, looking for the encouragement I knew He would provide. Each moment became more difficult to resist a life long craving that would be easily satisfied by lighting up. I remembered the Apostle Paul’s words of struggle, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…for what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do –this I keep on doing.” Romans 7:15 and on. Paul struggled against something he did not want to do, but the reality was I did want to smoke!
I compromised and started smoking cigars. I played word games with myself, convincing myself that cigars could not be as bad as cigarettes, and would be easier to quit when I finally decided to do so.
Last Friday, just a few days before receiving your email, I was again facing the concerned look of doctors. I had entered the med-clinic with difficulty in breathing. The third breathing treatment in a matter of a few minutes would not raise the oxygen level in my blood. Three more treatments were provided before the doctors sent me on my way, prescriptions in hand and recommendations that I go to the emergency room should I not improve.
Paul wrote “but what I hate I do”, I do not know what Paul’s addiction was, the bible does not reveal it to us, we just know that he hated it and he did it. I enjoyed smoking for many years, Mary, you said “you don’t want to quit”, how much harder will it be for us to quit if we don’t even hate what we do?
I am starting over on quitting, with renewed hope. I am not afraid of dying, knowing my destination, but I am afraid of waking each night needing a breathing treatment because lying down allows crap to accumulate in my lungs. I am afraid of one day being that person walking around Wal-Mart with a bottle of oxygen, snarling at anybody that comes close to my breathing tubes. I am afraid that one day my nine year old son will find me lying on the floor dead. I have renewed hope that I will one day hold my youngest son’s son. I have renewed hope that with faith I can stop. Three days ago when I again came to God on bended knee, afraid enough once again to seek His help; I prayed for direction, I prayed for revealing scripture. Two words were His answer, “Just stop”.
Mary, each addict’s battle will be as unique as each of us. I learn as a child of God, knowing that God wants His family to share in each experience, to learn of His love through each other. I share with you Mary what you already know; God loves you and now is the time to “Just stop”.

Jim Hirtle