I am beginning to not like Thursday’s very much.
I met with the surgeon this morning, it was after a short wait in the Stare at Everybody Else Who Is Sick Room (it was that or read outdated magazines) before I was called back to discuss my future.
I liked this doctor almost immediately, Dr. Mario Rossbach. He took his time in explaining to me about the cancer and the surgical procedures that will take place next week. He even had pictures to share from the M.R.I., (thankfully not in Kodachrome), but I couldn’t really make out the images that he so patiently pointed out to me.
After our time together he shook my hand and smiled, “I’ll take good care of you.” He promised.
The doctor had managed to provide me with many things on which to ponder in addition to his welcomed reassurance. Now if you were to take an M.R.I. of my head and it gave you a snapshot of the last week you would see that I have had many, many thoughts to contemplate. I imagine that this image may look like the flyover at Loop 410 and US 281 during rush hour traffic. Hundreds and hundreds of cars, all on a mission, all stopped.
Those cars represent the hundreds and hundreds of thoughts I have gathered since last Thursday; each one with a mission…each one at a dead stop.
One thought is of my children and what their own thoughts must be knowing that both their father and mother have a cancer gene. But I couldn’t do anything with that thought so it just sits there.
Another thought is of their future and whether I would be part of it. This thought also unrecognizable and unattended sits in this traffic jam.
There are thoughts that represent each one of you and the kind words you have sent my way. I know they are there, but I have done nothing with them.
Now if you look closely at this imaginary image you will see a 1972 dark blue El Camino sitting amongst these stalled thoughts. This favorite car of mine has a license plate the simply reads “Prayers”. Under the hood is a powerful SS396 engine…sitting idle with nowhere to go. Look in the bed of El Camino and you will discover stacks and stacks of prayers. Prayers that have my signature upon them; but like all the other thoughts have just sat there bootless for a week.
It’s not that I haven’t talked to God lately, but my words certainly wouldn’t be considered prayers. I have spent my time with Him on just one bended knee.
After leaving the doctor’s office today I drove to the local ice house to get a cup of coffee. I sat in my truck pretending to enjoy the three hour old java and smoking a cigarette. I looked at all the thoughts that had gathered on my own flyover and knew I should do something with them. Yet all I could do was sit there brooding, stuck in the traffic of thought. It was like waiting for a broken traffic light to turn green.
And then one thought suddenly broke away from the rest and sped forward at super-sonic speeds.
Last week a good friend called me upon hearing the news of my cancer. His name is Mel Pankey. If you do not know him I can describe him for you with just one word…servant. I have not met a greater example of a servant for Christ in all my life.
During my conversation with Mel he said, “It’s okay to pray for yourself too.”
I watched as this one thought drove away from all others…”It’s okay to pray for you…for me.”
I glance back at the snarl of thoughts and see the license plate of the blue El Camino; “Prayers”.
I recall the words of King David, “In the day of my trouble I will call upon you…”
But I haven’t you see, because David’s sentence is not complete. His words as recorded in the 86th Psalm are-“In the day of my trouble I will call upon you: for you will answer.”
It is the fear of His answer that has kept both of my knees from bending and my head bowing.
But my friend reminded me of another verse-
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace…as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
One of the greatest ways that we can show the Father that we trust in Him is through our prayers and petitions.
To be afraid of His answer is not trust at all.
Thank you Mr. Mel Pankey for being a friend and reminding me of who I am.
I gotta go friends, I have a traffic jam to unsnarl.