Thursday, January 19, 2012

Survivor-Part 3

I have delayed writing the final installment of this three part series for selfish reasons. I knew that it would require me to look  deep within myself if I were to, with honesty, answer my own question, "What does it take for the survivor to trust and forgive?" It is not just the answer that causes hesitation. Once the truth is revealed am I not required to act upon it?

My head hurts. You see my friend I have known the answer for sometime now. I knew that I would find the answer in scripture. Just as I knew the answer would come from the life of Christ. I try to live my life by the examples he gave us. Oh I fall short on a consistent basis, but I always try to recognize the truth of his lessons, his leadership and his inspiration and follow them. In following them I may trip and fall. By ignoring them I will surely fail. My head hurts so much.

Judas. The story of Judas' betrayal is well known. It is recorded in all four gospels, each giving us a glimpse of the man who would betray the Christ.

The crucifixion of Jesus was near. He had gathered with his disciples for one last time. Only Jesus knew that this would be the last time they all gathered together. In just a few hours, with a kiss on the cheek of Jesus, one of them would betray him. Who was it, they wondered.

Jesus knew.

Jesus, the Son of God, a miracle worker. A man whose followers would do anything for him to include fighting to protect him, and yet as they gathered together for a last supper he did not point an accusing finger  at Judas. He did not raise his voice in anger. Instead he came close to Judas and said to him, "what you have to do, do quickly."

When the morning came Judas led the soldiers into the garden, Jesus again spoke with tenderness when he said to Judas, "It is with a kiss that you betray me?"

Where was his anger? Why didn't Jesus do what most would have done after a friend had turned his back on him? Throw him out! Be done with him!

 Jesus.said Judas was "lost, doomed to destruction". The bible tells us that after Judas betrayed Jesus, remorse would overcome him and he killed himself.

Jesus prayed for him.
 "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am...."

Jesus died for him.

I don't know what happened to Judas' soul, the bible doesn't tell me. I suspect that his eternity may be very hot. He began as a follower of Jesus, a disciple. Then greed or other evils overtook him, possessed him, controlled him, just like a drug. He changed, never again resembling the man Jesus called to follow him.

Jesus died for him. Forgave him.

I have a headache. I cannot find forgiveness. I miss her sometimes. I have no one but you dear reader to share my thoughts with. I have no one to hug in the morning, no one to kiss good night. Christ forgave me for all I have done, but I cannot find it in me to forgive.

I pray that he will lead me.

I have a headache.

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